


Counting the Times

by Dragon_Dweller



Category: The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Abuse, Abused Dean, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Aidan, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Implied abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Memories, Pneumonia, Professional help, Rain, Rainy Days, Senses, aidean, numbers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:05:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5193329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_Dweller/pseuds/Dragon_Dweller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean counting the times in his relationship with Aidan</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bloody Love

**29\. There Will Be Blood**  
He hit me across the face and I went flying backwards. He was drunk again. I know what to expect from him when he’s been drinking like this, a beating to remember. A beating to blame on a failed stunt on Set. “You filthy little whore!” He spat and slurred as he beat on me. I lay in a ball protecting myself as well as possible. “You’ve been fucking him again, haven’t you?” He stomps on my ribs and I howl in pain. I learned well enough a long time ago, not to answer him, it only worsened and prolonged the brutal beatings he delivers in moments like these. 

**14\. I Love Him**  
They ask why. All of them ask why I stay with him when he beats me so savagely. Most of the time I shake my head and tell them, “You’ll never understand why.” Because they won’t ever understand why I stay with him, when he treats me so harshly. They wouldn’t understand the love we share and have. How gentleness he really is, when he’s not drunk. When he’s not drunk, he’s a true gentlemen. Sometimes I cry uncontrollably over it to the point I am paralyzed in spot. Other times, I leave. But more than not, I simply say, “I love him.”

**8\. Simple**  
In rare moments, when the world is still, dark and quiet. When he’s not drunk and it's just him and I, we sit in our room snuggled up in bed together being silent for a long while. I manage the courage to ask him why he does what he does to me, when he’s not sound of mind due to mind altering substance. He sighs and closes his eyes, “It’s simple.” He utters, almost as if in a distance. “It’s not really me. It’s the alcohol.” It’s an answer that he’s never told me before, and I’m not sure I should believe him.

**7\. It's Bad Now**  
I’m in the hospital. He beat me bad this time around. My eye is almost swollen shut, my ribs are broken, my lip stitched back together, my wrist is broken from where he twisted it to far, my ear drum is broken and visible bleeding, bruises and cuts are all over me; head to toe. My family and friends surround me. Some are upset and pissed off, my mother cries; my brother puts a hole in the wall. But the real person I want here, the very person that did this to me, that put me in the hospital isn’t here, and it makes me cry. I want his presence, his protection, his love…the REAL him.

**5\. A Note From Him**  
I so swear never to do such a thing again for as long as I shall live, I love you with my life.  
With that I promise, with that I will follow, with that I will protect you, with that I have you by my side.

**666\. He’s Gone, For Now**  
He left, but his things are still here in the house. His cell still sits on the nightstand on his side of the bed. All his clothes are still in the closet except for a few pants and shirts. He’s coming back, but for now his gone. Where? I don’t know. Why? I have my ideas. When will he be back? Only he and the universe around him know. Will I miss him? Of fucking Course!! How do I know he will return? I feel it in my heart and soul. Until that then, I'll wait patiently for him, never losing any amount of love I have for him in the time being.


	2. Rainy Days

**59\. Rain**  
I lay in bed listening to the raindrops hit the windows in my room. It’s been raining everyday since he left. I was healed now, though my wrist is still in a dark blue cast, it was due off in a week or so, though. So, I lay in bed all day, cradling his pillow, which lost his scent weeks ago, to my chest. Tears slip down my cheeks, my eyes burn and are blood red from all the tears I have shed over all of this. I haven’t really eaten or moved since I got home from the hospital. I just lay here, eating small portions of food every so often and only move to pee, other than that I’m in bed holding his pillow, staring out the window wishing for him to come back.

**86\. Memories**  
Closing my worn out eyes, I remember what he always said to me on days when it would rain and I would be sad and depressed. He’d pull me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me lovingly, protectively and carefully, kiss my temple and smile. “What’s wrong?” He'd ask and I’d snuggle deeper into him. “I'm upset because it’s always raining when I’m sad.” He’d laugh and hug me tighter. “No, baby, it doesn’t rain _when_ you’re sad, it rains _because_ you’re sad.” It always made me happier for some reason.

**21\. Wet**  
For the first time in a month, I lifted myself from my bed and walk over to the balcony doors inside my bedroom. Opening the double doors, a cold wet breeze brushes by me. It’s raining the hardest today, and I feel the worst today. The sun has set but the sky is still several different bight colors, like the northern lights. Stepping out into the rain, I'm almost instantly soaked through and through. Dropping into the deck chair near me, I sit in it. My legs wide open, my hands rest atop my knees and survey the land that I own. My face is stone hard, but my eyes give away the pain, hurt, abandonment and loneliness that I feel inside myself.

**99\. Darkness**  
Everything's dark around me. I didn’t understand why it was so dark. The house it surrounded in flood lights, so it should be bright, but it's pitch black. I was in and infinite blackness and I hated it. It was only me in this pitch black, empty place.

**9\. Awake and Shivering**  
Thunder jolted me awake. The black infinity was only a muffed up dream created by my tired, hurt mind. I’m shivering and shaking from the icy rain that has drowned me. My body tells me I should move, go inside and get dry and warm. But everything else in me won’t budge a micro inch. A shadow appears in the still open balcony doorway, in the moments before finding out who it is, I prayed, hoped and begged for it to be him. But it’s only my brother, “Bro, what are you doing out here?” He asked stepping out into the rain. “You’re gonna get pneumonia out here.” He grabs me by my shoulders and pulls me up. He takes me back inside, gets me into warm clothing, drys my hair and puts me to bed. “Everything is going to be okay, dude. He’ll come back. He just needs to clear his head and get some help.” He said to me, rubbing my back. I laid awake all night shaking and shivering with an on-coming cold and the familiar tears of missing him.

**30\. Sick**  
I have pneumonia. After 3 days of shaking, shivering, high fever, night sweats and vomiting, my mom took me to the emergency room where they ran a zillion tests on me and concluded that I had pneumonia from being in the cold rain for too long a few nights ago. Luckily, they didn’t hospitalize me for it. They put me on Penicillin, bed rest and told me to drink lots of water to stay hydrated. I laid in bed the covers half on me and half off me because I couldn’t decide whether or not I was hot or cold. Four bottles of half drank water sat on my nightstand, a box of tissues by my side, a 3rd gone, and the used tissues laid all over the bed and floor. There was a soft knock at my door, then it pushed open, my mom came it holding the antibiotic and a spoon. I grimaced at the thought of having to take the stuff, even if it tasted good. Can’t I die in peace? She poured some of the medicine in the spoon and held it to my mouth; I hesitate a moment before opening my mouth and having her shove the spoon in. I swallowed the stuff like a dog trying to eat peanut butter. She smiled at me and left. “Evil woman.” I hiss when she was gone.


	3. Delightful Moments

**13\. Sound**  
Sitting in on the couch in the living room flipping through a magazine, I heard the front door open. Figuring it was only my brother coming back from where ever he was. Ignoring him I continued to flip through the mag. I heard him stop a few feet from me and make a small sound like he was gunna say something, but changed his mind and continued on upstairs, probably his room.

**97\. Touch**  
The touch of a hand on my shoulder made me jerk. A blind fold covered my eyes. “What the hell is going on!?” I demanded. A finger touched to my lips, silencing me. I was thrown over a strong shoulder and marched upstairs. Panic rose in my gut as I was laid back against a bed. I reached for the blindfold covering my eyes, but my hands were gently pulled away from it. The buttons to my shirt were opened and it was pulled off. Soon after my shirt was off, my pants and boxers were removed. Hands touched me all over; I felt so violated, so raped, that I could barely move. The touching stopped and warm sweet lips pressed to mine causing me to freeze all together. The blind fold was removed, but my eyes remained closed. I didn’t want to open them and see the person that was doing this to me in case, afterward, when the cops caught him, and I identified him, he couldn't put a hit out on me, to kill me for putting him away.

**26\. Taste**  
I tasted the person’s sweet lips against mine. A taste the was so familiar to my taste-buds, that they sung.

**88\. Smell**  
The person’s smell was intoxicating. It wasn’t strong, but it was there none the less. Their smell was all male, it was musky, warm, inviting, and strangely, welcoming. It was a mixture of natural body smells, light spring Irish body wash, Men’s deodorant and sandalwood scented shampoo. All of it seemed familiar, just like their taste, but I couldn’t place it.

**34\. Sight**  
After experiencing all these things, I heard the person removing their clothes, I snapped my eyes open, not caring anymore if they killed me for seeing their face. But what I saw, overwhelmed me so much I started to cry. A body so lean and so strong, so healthy and glowing with life. A body that was more familiar than my very own.

**1\. He’s back!**  
I looked up at him tears of overwhelming joy and relief flowing from my eyes. He looked down at me smiling, “I’ve missed you, Dean.” He whispered, laying over me. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, “I have missed you a million times more than you have missed me.” I sobbed. He kisses me again, “Let me make up for everything I’ve done to you the last few years.” He whispered against my lips. “I’ll let you do anything to me, just please…please don’t leave me again, Aidan.” I begged, my voice cracking. He licked his full pink lips and nodded, “I won’t ever leave or hurt you again, for as long as I live.” And for the first time in 3 years, we made true, honest to god, LOVE.


End file.
